Thoughts,  What's On My Mind

I feel good and I’m not afraid to show it

I’m aware that my public image can get onto nerves to some people. And also, that I don’t owe an explanation to anyone. But maybe this short article full of thoughts will help someone.

Recently I’ve started my ninth year in Ireland. It’s been eight years since I moved to the Emerald Isle. And although my social media are full of rainbows and unicorns, it had not always been like that. On Saturday, the day of my moving anniversary, I posted a simple Story on my Insta Stories where I mentioned the moving and that I feel happy.

Obviously this can all be misleading. That girl is annoying – always smiling on the photos and always positive. She has to fake that. How can someone be happy so much? Well, she lives abroad so of course she’s doing great. Travelling a lot. Snob.

Listen, no one ever wrote me this and I suspect that my brain just came up with all of this. Maybe no one thinks any of those things. But what if, right?

To set the record straight – I’d been hunting down happiness all my life, the last couple of years I’ve lived with depression (which worsen when I moved to Ireland) so I kinda think it’s a miracle that I’m still here. And that I do feel better than a year ago let alone two years.

I don’t feel happy all the time. Of course there are days when I feel like shit. I still love to complain 24/7, dislike people and ugly weather. But when I compare myself now and two years ago or even before that, I can see the difference and I feel proud of myself. I feel proud that I found the strength to fight for myself and try to follow my heart. And even when I knew that it didn’t have to work out.

I managed to ease down my depression and although anxiety basically rules my world I feel more positive. I mean, most of the time I actually feel stuff. Somehow I manage to look at the things from the bright side and I don’t have mental breakdowns whenever a small inconvenience occurs.

I’ve built everything on small things and decisions two years ago. All of that brought me where I am today and all I’m saying is – sometimes I really feel good and I’m not afraid to post a selfie on my Stories with a sentimental caption about happiness ’cause everything can be different tomorrow.

So all I wanna say is that there is no shame in feeling good and wanting to share that feeling with the world. On the other hand, same goes for feeling bad but in that case I recommend talking to someone (yeah that comes from me who always feels like I bother everyone).

P.S.: Cover photo was taken during Waterford Walls by Cork based Polish photographer Karol Kachmarsky.