Thoughts,  What's On My Mind

When enough is enough

I’m sitting on my bed, like a burrito wrapped in my blanket with water bottles and bloody tissues surrounding me ’cause my nostril has been bleeding since morning. The only companion is the turned on heater. A perfect Sunday. Everything started during the week when I woke up with a slight sore throat literally out of nowhere. This sore throat has later on evolved into a running nose. Welp, for the fourth time this year, however, as they say – treated runny nose lasts a week, untreated one seven days. I can do this.

Ugh, my ideas. Last time when I was sick, to be exact that was two weeks ago, I also believed that it was for the last time this year. And then I worked with a fever.

The moment I’m noticing that the nostril is suddenly bleeding (which had only a runny nose all the previous days) I’m texting my mum for an advice. At the same moment I’m having a panic attack because my last weekend in Dublin was supposed to look completely different. I was supposed to visit a photography exhibition and listen to the photographer’s talk. Instead I spent all day sobbing and feeling miserable ’cause apart from nose bleeding my kidneys reminded themselves, as well as cough and the right tonsil somehow showed up to the party too (I suspect the nostril as we haven’t been getting exactly along today).

sad scream queens GIF

As I was applying Nivea for my sore nose I remembered my childhood and mum and god how excited I am to return home! I just don’t get how I survived the germ period every winter as a kid and I keep asking myself how has it gotten worse in the past three years? Why am I sick for the fourth time this year and how many times should I expect yet to be sick? How is it possible that even the slightest wind makes me feel like a piece of shit when four years ago I wasn’t ill at all?

Words are coming to my mind (not sure where I got them from, probably internet #toolazytogoogle): Psychological issues can show up as a chronic physical illness. Not sure whether or not this is true but my stress could tell tales. The thing is that there’s nothing I should stress about. Or at least I think so while my brain furiously runs around my head panicking during every situation. What do I know. I can’t see insides of my head. Ha. Ha.

What to do?

I can’t possibly imagine to be sick every month for a week or two – not able to work, think, function. How to prevent this infection? For the time being I have about two weeks off from next weekend on to rest, sleep, watch TV shows, take some medicine, eat mum’s renowned chicken soup and get some social detox – in real life as well as digitally. Although this doesn’t come out easily I wasn’t really paying attention to my sleeping schedule properly and have been spending lots of time online. That’s why I hope that it’s the reason I feel so miserable.

If not, then I’m filling out a complaint.